Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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