I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
