Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
