I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
