quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
