He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
