anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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