You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
