I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
