your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
