hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
