is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
