There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
