Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
