i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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