I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You pole danced in your parka.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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