i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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