I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
