i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
