got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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