Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
