Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
