I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found the puke drawer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
