I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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