I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Randomize
