I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
