it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize