But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I did not marry a roomba.
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