"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
