and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
50% drunk capacity currently
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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