Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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