I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
