No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
