I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
