just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
