biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
