I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't deserve a penis
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
