Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
