brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i now understand why vodka
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
