he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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