I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
