I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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