God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
