And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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