cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
