im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
