is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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