one two three fourrrrnication!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
