i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
