I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
