I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
