They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
